This is very easily one of the worst weeks of my life. Mainly, if not totally because of me. I have just been mad and pissed off at just about everyone, with myself at the top of the list. I like things to go the way I want them to, even if the situation has nothing at all to do with me. Sometimes I wish I could just make some of other people's decisions, which is dumb of me to think.

Change and spontaneity are two totally different things.

Punctuality IS important.

Even if you change your mind, stick to your word

Sometimes people need you to be nice to them

Don't get angry over stupid stuff.

There are my words to live by for the week. I wish I was different.

On a happier note, I get to babysit two kittens in a couple weeks and I seriously can not wait. I am good at taking care of things. Also, I have made a couple new friends and I like them a lot.

just like church on a sunday, you are so predictable.

and it hurts my heart

with a rose in her hand and a candle on her chest

she put her head on my head and with teary eyes she said:

precious time we have together

with a stone in my heart I stood up and love was gone

All her life she lived in sunshine, dancing through the rain

I saw her down by the 413, my life will never be the same

And I will live my life to love you

I will live my life for you

Throw my heart into the ocean

Darling I'll be true

I love graffiti6

I wonder what goes on in other people's minds. I feel like it can not POSSIBLY be as busy and weird as what runs through mine on a daily basis. Because I think some weird stuff.

Anyways.

Last night I was at a local bands' show at Crossroads in Huntsville and was realizing how thankful I was for people. Which, in itself, was a weird thing to be thinking in a middle of a smokey bar with a ton of drunk people flailing to the pop-punk band performing, but that's what I thought. I don't mean just the people that I hang around all the time, but also the people that you just see every once in a while who you might not even be any more than an acquaintance to.

At one point last night I was standing by myself near the side of the stage, away from the mash pit, and Daniel would occasionally come and nudge my shoulder and just stand by me. And it made me feel a lot better, just to have somebody there.

Another couple is Ronnie and Mrs. Cindy. I am at Coffee & Playhouse almost everyday and I go to quite a few shows, so they see a lot of me. Ronnie is like a goofy big brother and Mrs. Cindy should be called 'Mama Cindy.' They take care of everyone as well as provide a safe and welcoming place for my-age people. I love them. And they make me wonderful coffee, which makes anyone a winner in my book. Oh, and Scott, because he is...Scott.

Also, that Indian guy who greets you as you walk into Walmart, and the people that run Southern Reflections, and the nice lady I have talked to for years in the gym who's name I still don't know.

"i don't really need a date

i have my netflix"

This is why I love my friends.

Things I am grateful for today:

writing

my dogs

coffee

coffee

COFFEE

the new group Idle Warship that I heard in Mary Beth's car

the fact that tomorrow is my friday

And now I can gripe.

The people in my EMT class, well, at least all of those of the male persuasion, are COMPLETE IDIOTS. I hate judging people, but c'mon now, we all do it. And lets face it, if I ever was in cardiac arrest and saw one of these morons walk into my house, I would probably sign a DNR right there. Its that bad. I'm sure they are fantastically nice people.

Actually no, they are arrogant 'THINK-they-know-it-alls.'

Maybe it will get better

But, the girls all seem really sweet, and I LOVE my instructors. It doesn't hurt that they are all about 23. Just saying. Not really. I don't know.

I have been having really weird dreams recently, and I do not like it.

Also, I am learning to crochet. aka, I am learning how to make large un-fixable knots.

I love rap, which is weird, because I am probably about the whitest girl on the planet. I would marry Drake. AND, I heard that Kid Cudi Jay-Z and Kanye might be doing an album.... which would be epic.

I don't know why I felt the need to blog this.

Maybe I just wanted to express how much I AM OBSESSED WITH DRAKE

"Pushing me away so I give her space

Dealing with a heart that I didn’t break

I’ll be there for you, I will care for you

I keep thinking you just don’t know

Trying to run from that, say you’re done with that

On your face girl, it just don’t show

When you’re ready, just say you’re ready

When all the baggage just ain’t as heavy

And the parties over, just don’t forget me

We’ll change the pace and we'll just go slow

You won’t ever have to worry,

You won’t ever have to hide

You've seen all my mistakes

So look me in my eyes"

"If you and I are a story

That never gets told

If what you are is a daydream

I'll never get to hold, at least you'll know

You're beautiful every little piece love,

and don't you know your really gonna be someone ask anyone.

and when you find everything you looked for,

I hope your life leads you back to my front door.

oh but if it don't will you stay

beautiful?"

"I made decisions some right and some wrong

And I let some love go I wish wasn't gone

These things and more I wish I had not done

But I can't go back

And I don't want to

'Cause all my mistakes

They brought me to you"

"You've seen me at my worst

and I've seen you in the reverse

We are equal

And no matter what happens from here

no matter where life ends, my dear

I will be grateful"

"She’s gonna learn that this life will hit you, hard, in the face, wait for you to get back up so it can kick you in the stomach. But getting the wind knocked out of you is the only way to remind your lungs how much they like the taste of air. There is hurt, here, that cannot be fixed by band-aids or poetry, so the first time she realizes that Wonder-woman isn’t coming, I’ll make sure she knows she doesn’t have to wear the cape all by herself. Because no matter how wide you stretch your fingers, your hands will always be too small to catch all the pain you want to heal. Believe me, I’ve tried."

I'm not good at a lot of things, and I really do not know all that much about anything. But, I do know what I am good at. I am a comforter. I am good at scratching backs and hugging and listening when people need me too.

Sometimes I think I feel to much for other people. Not feel for them like the general sense when people say, "I feel for you," like, I'm sorry for you. But I guess I try to take on whatever they are struggling with so that they don't have to. I don't even do it consciously, it just happens. I think that is mainly due to the fact that I have trouble feeling for myself. I just don't like to, especially when there are people out there who have it so much worse off then I do. I hate to see people emotionally struggling. I've been there.

I like to make people happy. If putting aside myself for a couple hours and scratching someones back or making goofy faces at a friend to make them smile is what it takes for them to not go home and cry or drink themselves into a stupor or inhale some vile fumes, then I think I can spare my time for them.

the holidays

Sometimes I feel the only thing I blog about is my friends, well my friends and the occasional weird song lyric. But I think that is okay, seeing as God has given me best people I could ever ask for. Since a little before Christmas til New Years day I spent almost all of my time with Becca because she came here then we went back to spend New Years in Hoover. Before then, I had not seen her since July. JULY. That's almost six months. I honestly don't have that many super close girls friends that are here. Nowadays, most of them are boys, which is fine, I love them, but its just not the same. You can't lay in bed all day watching movies with no make up on and your hair going a thousand different directions with just anybody. Or walk around with no pants on, or do each others hair (which really means Becca doing my hair, because that is the advantage to having a star cosmetology student as a best friend).

Together, Becca, Jacob, and I have been the terrific trio for about the last year, especially this past summer. It is so strange because on the surface we are all such different people, but we just work. It felt so good to be back together this past week with them. All we did the whole time was just lay around, play games, and eat... which is what we do best. Eat, and then listen and smell out abnormally gaseous friend proudly exhibit his "talents." But it was the best regardless.

Becca left a couple days before New Years Eve to go back to Hoover and I came down the 31st after I got off of work. Here older sister and her fiance had a little party at their house. It was a lot of fun, not to big or wild and crazy, but just right. The next day, me and Becca were sitting on her bed talking and I said something firefighting related. She stopped and looked at me and said, "Elyse you are so awesome, really." That's why I love Becca. We are both those type of people who generally care about each other. We don't just ramble and complain about ourselves and our problems all the time without even stopping to ask how the other is. Not that we don't ever rant, because goodness knows I do, but we both just love each other, and Jacob too. I need friends like that to remind me that I am 'awesome' because sometimes I have a hard time making myself believe it. I love telling them that they are as well, because they truly are amazing.

It has been a good Christmas break.

P.S.- Her and I BOTH went and got our traguses pierced. We are such rebels.