There'll be days like this my momma said

"And she's going to learn that this life will hit you hard in the face, wait for you to get back up just so it can kick you in the stomach. But getting the wind knocked out of you is the only way to remind your lungs how much they like the taste of air."


There are days when it feels like it is all I can do to keep breathing and walking. When I feel like everyone is looking down on me and I will never be good enough, or strong enough, or pretty enough. When people are mean with no good reason. When I walk into the new gym and there is literally a convention of gorgeous, fit, gods and goddesses right before my eyes and I have a mental break down and go to the old gym and work out with my old people who could care less about anything. Its on these days that I get scared to death that I am not going to pass the National Registry exam that will get me my EMT licence and help me reach my dreams.


Then, there are days like today, when I spend almost every minutes with my best friends outside riding bikes on the back roads of the Wildlife Refugee where we are technically not supposed to be. When we drive with the windows down and dance like dorks at red lights just to watch the peoples' faces in neighboring cars. When Jacob says "We have to hang out. Its only going to be us four before long; me,you,Jordan, and Andrew." When we all go to the gym and work out together and holler at the top of our lungs when grinding through an ab workout. When we go out to eat then someone farts all the way home until we have to pull over and let him go stink up some poor not knowing business owner's bathroom.  


My favorite thing in the world is when Jacob looks at me and says, "I'm glad we are friends"


I am kind of convinced that they are some of the most wonderful people on the planet. I could not ask for more. We have also decided that when we grow up, ( I say that like it is so far away) we are going to build our houses in a circle and all live together. I wish.
I love them more than life.

“Not doing ‘bad things’ does not make you better than everyone else or a Christian, you are just a person who doesn’t do ‘bad things.’ Just because you don’t do bad doesn’t mean you are automatically doing good.”

-a quote from college service

or something almost along those lines

"...Maybe we like the pain. Maybe we are wired that way. Because with out it, I don't know, maybe we just wouldn't feel real. Whats that saying,'why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer?' Because it feels so good when I stop."

Meredith Grey

"...and I will TOTALLY send him an email telling him to back the f*** off. Haha, then beat his ass if he won't stop. lol"

I have good friends

I haven't seen you in ages
Sometimes I find myself
Wondering where you are
For me you'll always be 18
And beautiful and dancin' away with my heart

This is why we are such good friends. There are simply not enough words.

After a while

After a while you learn
The subtle difference between
Holding a hand and chaining a soul
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't always mean security.

And you begin to learn
That kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes ahead
With the grace of a woman
Not the grief of a child

And you learn
To build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow's ground is
Too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way
Of falling down in mid flight

After a while you learn
That even sunshine burns if you get too much
So you plant your own garden
And decorate your own soul
Instead of waiting
For someone to bring you flowers

And you learn
That you really can endure
That you are really strong
And you really do have worth
And you learn and you learn

With every good bye you learn.

        -Veronica A. Shoffstall

Dumb people

I saw the following post somewhere and it made me really angry:


"The worst thing about me
is that I am a musical ageist. I associate certain songs with events in my life, and when I see “kids” talking about “this song is so important to me, it’s my fave, blah blah blah”, I get quite snotty.
I’m often like “really?, I was listening to this song when you were like ten and I was.. (on my first trip to Iraq, ending my visit to Judy in DC because we had to go down for Katrina, getting shot, at McNabb’s funeral, or any number of significant events)”. Don’t tell me it has some special meaning to you, cause you were'nt even potty trained when it first came out."


I am proud of this person for serving our country, I truly am. As well as I am sure he went through some rough times and situations while being in the service. But I think his reasoning behind this was skewed.


This would sort of be like saying to someone  ten years from now, " You can not possibly feel sadness or loss for those firefighters, co-workers, friends, and family who lost loved ones when the twin towers were attacked by terrorists. How dare you feel proud of those people who went in to try and save others when they knew good and well that they themselves were probably not going to come back out. You weren't even born yet"


Or "Were you there when Jesus healed the sick and gave people a reason to live and have faith? No, I don't think so."


People are dumb.
Just because something happened a long time ago or is old does not mean it loses its meaning for someone else.

This is my favorite right now. Watch it
We sing it in college service and it is amazing.


"I hear the Savior say
Thy strength indeed is small
Child of weakness watch and pray
Find in me thine all in all

Jesus paid it all
All to him I owe
Sin had left a crimson stain
He washed it white as snow

Lord now indeed I find
Thy power and thine alone
Can change the lepers spots
And melt the heart of stone

Jesus paid it all
All to him I owe
Sin had left a crimson stain
He washed it white as snow

It's washed away! All my sin! And all my shame!

And when before the throne
I stand in him complete
Jesus died my soul to save
My lips shall still repeat

Jesus paid it all
All to him I owe
Sin had left a crimson stain
He washed it white as snow
Sin had left a crimson stain
He washed it white as snow

Oh praise the one who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead
Oh praise the one who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead
Oh praise the one who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead
Oh praise the one who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead
Oh praise the one who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead
Oh praise the one who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead

Jesus paid it all
All to him I owe
Sin had left a crimson stain
He washed it white as snow

Tuesday shmoosday

Today, Jacob and I biked more than I think I ever have in my entire life. EVER. We went through at least three neighborhoods, through trails and mud holes that devoured our bikes, up and down the huge hills on Chapel Hill out to Lake Chula Vista, swam, and then repeated everything on the way back home, where his mom bought me a veggie burger. I love her. My legs are jelly, but it feels amazing. I can not wait for summer when we can do this all of the time. 

I have never swung off of a rope into a lake before and it was a BLAST. I don’t think I have ever been more appreciative of a body of water.

Favorite quote of the day:

Jacob: (while we are swimming and he is examining his chest) Whats the difference between guy boobs and girl boobs? I mean the nipple on girls is considered the “private part” right?

Me: Umm… well girls just have more of them. And Yeah I guess… I mean some girls show everything but that nowadays.

Jacob: Yeah. Cause I’ve been seeing some major cleavage. Its like, Mitosis is happening on her chest! Nomsayin’?

giggle giggle giggle almost drown giggle giggle

I do not understand how people can be so mean, judgmental, and hypocritical.

Thank You

Once again, thank you Jacob Johnson for coming to my porch in the middle of the night and not making me feel like a crazy person. He is the best. I hope everyone has their own Jacob.

"She's my person... If I murdered someone, she is the person I would call to help me drag the corpse across the living room floor. She is my PERSON." -Grey's Anatomy