I told myself I wasn’t going to get on the internet right after they announced the winner because I did not want to see all the complaining and sheer stupidity of people, but I did, and this is what I saw on my facebook page:

“Thanks to all the useless, free loading, pro-abortion gays. You selected the WORST choice. Your lack of education on ANY topic of the election was obviously warped. Thanks. Thanks again” 

I’m just not going to start in about this and this person. 

Do you have any brain cells at all?

Alabama Fire College Weekend!

This past weekend was simply and overwhelmingly just AMAZING. The ride down, hanging out with my brothers and best friends, class, late night Waffle house runs, spending time together, it was fantastic. I love those guys with all that I am. 

Alabama Fire College Weekend is my absolute favorite time of the year because you get hundreds of people who think and have the same willingness and passion for serving and helping others, just like you. I can walk up to anyone there and not feel the least bit strange talking to them even if I never have before. Its one big family.

I took the Basic Rope Rescue class. I am terrible at knots and learning all of the lowering and raising rigs which can get very in depth. But this class turned out to be a lot more enjoyable and fun then I thought it would be. Our instructor was amazing. He was head of the rescue team for one of the largest departments in the state for over thirty years. He was also one of the most patient and ready to help people I have ever met (which was great for me in this class because I am fairly hopeless at rope). We only had about 10 people in our class, but it was a very wide range of people from all over the state. I don't think anyone knew each other going into the start of class. Most of the first day was classroom and looking at rigs and equipment on power points and tying some basic knots. But at the end of the day we got harnessed up and went out to the tower to repel. In rope rescue, as in all aspects of being in the fire service, you work as a team the entire time. To go over the edge, everyone had to climb over about a 4 foot guard rail at the top of the tower.  We had this one lady in class who was very short statured. Her shorter legs compounded with nerves of repelling for the first time made it hard for her to get over the edge. However, everyone was right there for her with encouraging words, "We've got you, you aren't going anywhere little lady" and "You've got this. This is the only hard part, the rest is cake." Some of the larger guys helped pick her up to help her get to the other side of the rail, and we all clapped when she made it safely to the ground. The second day we did raises and lowers and everyone was more than willing to get strapped up to go over the edge. It was a fantastic class. By the end of yesterday we had all become friends and were joking and laughing with everyone. 

Its things like this that make me love what I have decided to do with my life

.

 I am finally coming to terms with one of the things I have been struggling with most recently.
I have been working out pretty hard, sometimes twice a day, or adding some type of outdoor activity along with a workout. And I am really starting to see results and they are good, I am getting a lot stronger. However, I am coming to accept that I will never be skinny. One, I just am not built for it. I am kinda shaped like a boy as in I gain muscle really easily when I work out, versus getting slender. Two, there was never a "skinny" firefighter. At least not one that excels at his or her job. Intellectually, I KNOW that I have to eat enough to fuel my body to function with all of the training and exercise I have been doing. I know that I will not be able to help lift the heavy equipment we use in rescues as an EMT or a firefighter if I am not eating enough to be able to gain the muscle to do so.  I also know that I have an incredibly disciplined and healthy diet for someone my age and I should be proud. So, this is me sucking it up and trying to be okay with getting a little bulky if it means I will be good at what I want to do

From time to time I like to list things that are making me happy, so here goes:

sugar snap peas and apple slices ( the snack of the great AEMTS)
large comfy flannels to sleep in
pumpkin flavored everything
open windows
new trucks
my dog
coffee
crushed ice
my new friend and gym bud
my brother and his cute girlfriend (iowneencur they are precious)
anti-inflammatory meds
school
poetry




Here are some pictures I had forgotten about that might brighten your day (they did mine at least)


Jacob doing a flip (obvious success)

Elyse's attempt (the ground won)

I believe that even if I gave it my best effort, I could never be a party-er. I've had this insomnia thing going on for about a week now and it is killing me. I like my nine to ten o'clock bedtimes with 2-4 hour naps if time allows.
I mean, people actually go out and are active ALL night, dancing, actually doing stuff and talking to people. Maybe I just don't like people enough for that.


Tonight, my tactic, up until right now, has been laying in bed and only thinking the word 'sleep.'
SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP
Needless to say, I am not asleep. And its almost one. AGAIN.

Remembering

I don’t cry easily. I am not scared by much. But every year on this day, especially the last few years, I bawl like a baby. Anytime I read or hear about people who willingly walk into something where they know there is a very great chance they will not come back out, has my utmost respect, gratitude, and thanks.

411 emergency personnel died this day eleven years ago. Those people left behind wives, husbands, sons and daughters, and mothers and fathers to selflessly attempt to rescue as many as they could from seemingly hopeless situations. 343 firefighters lost their lives on that day. As a firefighter, you know from the get-go that you are not guaranteed your next shift, even though no one truly likes to talk about it. Although equally as bad, this was not just one man lost, this was truckload after truckload, department after department,  of brave soldiers selflessly marching into probably the closest thing to hell anyone has ever seen.

It is on days like today when I wish I could wrap my arms around all of my brothers and sisters in the fire, ems, and police services and thank them for what they do everyday.   Today, especially those of the FDNY and NYPD who lost family members, whether they were bound by blood or by brotherhood.

I have never been more proud of the career path I have chosen than on days like today.

The number one thing I am thankful for this weekends is Mary Beth.

And Jesus, for putting her into my life.

enouragement

It's been a long time since I've blogged.

I have been kind of down in the dumps because I have put in applications for about five different EMT positions and have not heard back from any of them, not even a rejection notification.

I just want to learn. I love learning so much. Not history and that type of stuff (although it is still important...). Sometimes, I just want to fast forward about three years so that I ,hopefully, have my Paramedic and am out in the field doing what I love. But, I am also enjoying the brand new stuff that I learn everyday. Medicine and the human body are incredibly amazing. We have drugs now a days that practically raise people from death's door. I've seen it. Trauma surgeons take people, mutilated and deformed from awful accidents and can cut, clamp, and sew tissue and flesh until everything works again. Its magical. One very muscular organ pumps oxygen rich blood to the very tips of our fingers and toes and allows us to live.

People are going to depend on us someday, the EMTs, paramedics, firefighters. We are the ones that are going to be there in a moment that they have had no preparation or warning of. They are going to place their loved ones, or their own lives into our hands. I just pray that God gives me the strength to take care of these people the best I can in the few short moments when I am with them.

I want more than anything to help people. More than that, I want to be excellent at what I am learning and striving to become.

colors

I am so overwhelmingly grateful that my parents raised me to not see color. I mean, of course everyone sees color. Instead of enrolling me into the magnet school that I had been invited to go too, they kept me in regular public school all through my grade school years. I think that had a lot to do with it. Also the fact that the neighborhood we lived in was probably 1/3 black, 1/3 white, and 1/3 Hispanics. I played with kids from all different backgrounds, some were rich, some were poor, some were from other countries. It didn't matter. 


My mom has told me stories of how she dated black guys and guys that were other ethnicites when she was my age. She said that she lost some friends because of it, but that you probably could not find better people than those guys were. Honestly, I didn't not know that there was still so much stereotyping and hatred towards people of other races until I got into middle school, because all of the kids that I went to elementary school with were brought up the same way. At least in the equality aspect. I distinctly remember two different times during my freshman year of high school I had a huge crush on two guys, both of whom were not white. I also remember when I told my friends how they kind of looked down and at each other like I had done something wrong. They said that they didn't think that there was anything wrong with me or other girls liking and dating outside of their own race, but "..if I brought home a black or Hispanic boy my dad would kill me." 


Why does where someone was born determine what type of person they are? It doesn't. So what if they crossed the border to try and better their lives in a country where they don't have to constantly fear for their own. I am sure that some of those people deserve to be here a heck of a lot more than some of the ungrateful 'Americans' that were born on this soil. It burns me UP when I hear people say things like, "Yeah... there has been a big influx of blacks into that neighborhood, I wouldn't be surprised if it starts going downhill soon." Guess what color the guy who just shot all those people in the Colorado movie theater was, WHITE. 

I guess I just don't really get it. It is 2012. Can we not move past this? 




I love that I have friends right now who just don't care. I love them.

Conversation between me and one of my favorite Cadets about a boy

Travis: So, did you text him goodnight with a smiley face?

Me: Well I said goodnight, but not with a smiley face.

Travis: Elyse! What the hell! We talked about this!

Me: giggle giggle giggle

Travis: Stop laughing! This shit it serious! Do you want this to work out with him or not?!

Me: Well, yeah I really do! (giggle)

Travis: Well then you HAVE to use smiley faces! I'm serious! I'm not giving you any more advice.

I appreciate having someone who can tell me that I need to come out of my depressed hibernation state.

Oh where am I gonna find a free feeling
Oh the one I've always wanted to know
Where I am not afraid of revealing, oh no
I'll show whatever I want whenever I want

Well I've done an awful lot of concealing
Yeah I've spent a lot of time just sitting at home
Oh and is the only way to find a free feeling on the road
Where you go wherever you want whenever you want

When you live in the unknown it becomes your home
And when you got nowhere left to go
Then you're gonna know

Where not to look for freedom
When you're inside your prison
And you're the only warden
Tell me where to look for freedom

Well I've been looking real hard for a teacher
But they better not be looking for me
'Cause I never found one in a preacher, oh Lord
Anyone that says that they see the way I should be

When everything you know
You don't recognize at all
Well then you got nowhere left to go
Then you're gonna know

Where not to look for freedom
When you're inside your prison
And you're the only warden
Tell me where to look for freedom

Oh I been getting heavy into my reading
Oh I been listening to my favorite song
Well I could never keep down a force-feeding too long
Eat up whatever I want whenever I want

Well you're gonna meet the wall
When you think you've heard it all
And then you got nowhere left to go
Then you're gonna know

Where not to look for freedom
When you're inside your prison
And you're the only warden
Don't have to leave the country
You cannot find your wisdom
In someone else's story
But if you find your glory
Tell me where to look for freedom

Oh where am I gonna find a free feeling
Tell me where to look for freedom
Oh where am I gonna find a free feeling
Tell me where to look for freedom
Oh where am I gonna find a free feeling
Tell me where to look for freedom

                  -The Belle Brigade

Its nice to have friends who remind you how to smile and laugh. REALLY smile and laugh. I started belly laughing at Jacob, and sort of startled myself at the sound of it. He and the rest of that crew are good for my soul.

Today Jacob snuck up on me in Academy. We spent the rest of the afternoon with five too-large people crammed onto one too-small flat bottom boat, with a leak, in the river. Then we father's day shopped, ate at Vittones, got zen beri, worked out, and watched/ slept through The Incredibles. I am so glad I had this Saturday afternoon off to spend with them.

Crushed ice always trumps regular ice. Yellow legal pads are good for letters. If you push D50 on a patient in an extreme diabetic emergency, its like watching someone rise from the dead. Crunching that little spot just above a front tire gives you just enough space to put the jaws to pry the metal away from the door hinge. Black before blue, or else you will be black and blue. Secret clinical strength waterproof deodorant really does last all day, even in the water. My dad only eats two green beans per time they are cooked in my house, for the sake of health. There is always coffee made by 8. The people at that little coffee shop always know what I mean when I say, "Can you make me that pretty drink?" Always rinse your boots after a wreck. People lie.

These are things I know to be true.

Today my family found out that my Dad's brother, my uncle Joe, has fourth stage lung cancer that has metastasized to many of his other vital organs, and this is the first time the doctors have found it.

THIS is why I want to be in the medical field. This is why I want to be the absolute best that I can be.

Really. He has lost 70 pounds in the span of a few months, and that didn't alert you to any other diagnosis besides depression?

Now I am sure you are a credible doctor who has done many great things (actually No, I'm not) But really. Stage freaking FOUR. FOUR FOUR FOUR. And his wife just went into remission.

I want to be able to look someone in the face and say that we did everything we could possibly do, we have run every test available, we have examined every possibility, we have exhausted our resources and our options. I want to say all those things and mean them. I want to go home at night be certain there was really nothing else we could have done. 

I may not be an oncologist, but with whatever I end up with as a career, I will not slack. I will do everything I can to catch things as early as possible.

A change in the weather

I like to pretend that I am brave and strong an not afraid of anything. Truth is, I am afraid of a lot. I am afraid of  crossing railroad tracks and staying hotels for more than two nights. I'm afraid of sharp corners because you can not see around them. I am afraid of not being in control of my life, of the things and people I love.
I am scared I will not be good enough when the time comes. Whatever time that may be.

"As my train rolls down the east coast I wonder how you keep warm
It's too late to cry
Too broken to move on
...

It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert
But I'm holding you closer than most 'cause you are my
Heaven doesn't seem far away anymore"

Today I spent the afternoon of my off day watching episode after episode of What Not to Wear and the series premier of Big Brooklyn Style. I love the TLC channel. Especially recently, I love how they have been airing many shows that are geared towards real people that may not be the perfect hour glass figure who can wear every piece of clothing they find.

What Not to Wear's Clinton and Stacy, pull real people who do not have thousands of dollars to spend on clothes and show them what looks good on THEM. Not that looks good on the celebrity super models who have designers and stylists help them out everyday. They do not try to drain all individuality and personal style of those people to make them conform to what is "in" right now. Not only are they fashion gurus, they are also psychologists. Clinton and Stacy help people who were the larger one in their groups of friends and the gangly nerdy girl and guy on the math team who couldn't break a hundred pounds. They help the stay at home mom who has a hard time feeling pretty and the very fit and active former army woman who finds it hard to dress her athletic shape. They listen to their stories and make them all feel beautiful. You can see the real change in each person by the end of each show. They find their confidence and that is beautiful in itself.

I love it.

I am tired of seeing my friends having to face such hard times. It seems to be happening a lot recently. God has a plan and a reason, I just hope they will be able to see that as well.

Many times, when people die,  others often say "He was a good man."
Mr. Chet was more than just a 'good man.' He was a sweet, kind, father who was more Christ like than almost anyone I know. I didn't know him very well, but every time I saw him or was at his house, he always hugged me and told me that he was glad that I was Cole's friend and that I could be there for him.

I am praying for the Humphries and Beltline. They have had a rough past year.

Here is a list of little things I want to do this summer: (It its time to "loosen up" as my Dad says)


Take a day trip to the beach
Do a pull-up
Walk on my hands
Have lots of camp fires
Some how sneak another dog into my life
skinny dip (yeah, its weird)
read
love myself more




Okay, maybe a lot of those things aren't normal people's idea of being less up-tight. But hey, They sound good to me.

You gave up on me, remember? You gave up on me when I was trying, when I needed someone to believe in me.