Sometimes you just have to grow up. Stop being the cool kid and suck it up. Life will leave you behind whether you like it or not, but most of the time, before you have time to change things, it is too late, and you are already in the past.

"Suck it up" has been my motto for most of my years. I guess I picked it up from my dad without even realizing it. I suppose that is what you get for being the daughter of an Asian father who was raised by a first generation immigrant single mom and was also the youngest of five. But, sometimes I wish I could just let it all out and quit sucking it all up, but if I did, I would be afraid I couldn't put the plug back in.

On a much happier note, I do not know what I would do without Mary Beth. Even though we go through periods where we don't see each other for long periods of time, she is still always there for me.

Also, I miss my Becca.

Hold me closer one more time,

Say that you love me in your last goodbye,

Please forgive me for my sins,

Yes, I swam dirty waters,

But you pushed me in,

I've seen your face under every sky,

Over every border and on every line,

You know my heart more than I do,

We were the greatest, me and you,

But we had time against us,

And miles between us,

The heavens cried,

I know I left you speechless,

But now the sky has cleared and it's blue,

And I see my future in you,

I'll be waiting for you when you're ready to love me again,

I put my hands up,

I'll do everything different,

I'll be better to you,

I'll be waiting for you when you're ready to love me again,

I put my hands up,

I'll be somebody different,

I'll be better to you,

do i have a boyfriend?

I had a guinea golden;

I had a guinea golden;

I lost it in the sand,

And though the sum was simple,

And pounds were in the land,

Still had it such a value

Unto my frugal eye,

That when I could not find it

I sat me down to sigh.

I had a crimson robin

Who sang full many a day,

But when the woods were painted

He too, did fly away.

Time brought me other robins,-

Their ballads were the same,-

Still for my missing troubadour

I kept the "house at hame."

I had a star in heaven;

One Pleiad was its name,

And when I was not heeding

It wandered from the same.

And though the skies are crowded,

And all the night ashine,

I do not care about it,

Since none of them are mine.

My story has a moral:

I have a missing friend,-

Pleiad its name, and robin,

And guinea in the sand,-

And when this mournful ditty,

Accompanied with tear,

Shall meet the eye of traitor

In country far from here,

Grant that repentance solemn

May seize upon his mind,

And he no consolation

Beneath the sun may find.

emily dickinson

This is very easily one of the worst weeks of my life. Mainly, if not totally because of me. I have just been mad and pissed off at just about everyone, with myself at the top of the list. I like things to go the way I want them to, even if the situation has nothing at all to do with me. Sometimes I wish I could just make some of other people's decisions, which is dumb of me to think.

Change and spontaneity are two totally different things.

Punctuality IS important.

Even if you change your mind, stick to your word

Sometimes people need you to be nice to them

Don't get angry over stupid stuff.

There are my words to live by for the week. I wish I was different.

On a happier note, I get to babysit two kittens in a couple weeks and I seriously can not wait. I am good at taking care of things. Also, I have made a couple new friends and I like them a lot.

just like church on a sunday, you are so predictable.

and it hurts my heart

with a rose in her hand and a candle on her chest

she put her head on my head and with teary eyes she said:

precious time we have together

with a stone in my heart I stood up and love was gone

All her life she lived in sunshine, dancing through the rain

I saw her down by the 413, my life will never be the same

And I will live my life to love you

I will live my life for you

Throw my heart into the ocean

Darling I'll be true

I love graffiti6