Beggining of the 'Lasts'

Last night was my last Austin Football game.

I didn't think it was going to upset me as much as it did.

It was probably the best game ever. We didn't win, but I could feel how close all of us were, I think everybody could. Everyone talked to everyone and we just talked and laughed and cheered and danced and had a wonderful time.

I just love our Senior class. Some of the other grades at Austin right now are very cliquey. We have never been. Everyone has almost always gotten along with most everyone.

After the game the band played the alma mater and we all put our arms around eachother for the last time in a football game. Some of the boys have played in Ogle stadium since they were freshmen.

Even though we didn't coming out the winning team, it didn't really matter. Teams that stick together through losses are so much stronger than those who only come together for the wins.

Everyone just started hugging everyone that was around them, whether they were best friends or just someone you've had in classes. It was the start of, I'm sure, many heartbreaking moments that will come this year.

I know I will stay in touch with my best friends like Gaby and Hannah and them, but it really hit me hard when I hugged my best guy friends William and Cole. I love them both so much and I don't know if I can live with not seeing them both everday. Without them around, I won't get my daily doeses of name-calling, teasing, or being farted on!

I can predict lots of tears this year. I broke down in the safety of my car after the game when the Taylor Swift song 'Never Grow Up' came on.

Lets all go back to Freshman year and do it all over again.

I'm really trying not to think about graduation. We still have seven months to make the best of.

Proud to be a Black Bear.

Decisions

This is about to be an ecceptionally long entry.

I have finally decided on my major, well for now anyways. Veterinary Medicine, specifically large animal and equine.

Its what I have always wanted to do since I was a little girl when I went around the house wrapping up our family pets and 'nursing' them when they were sick or were recovering from surgery or whatnot.

I'm not real sure my dad is too keen on the idea, but Its what I really want to do.

I am so excited because we have connections through friends to this large animal/ equine vet. I am going to get to shadow him when he has a bunch of stuff lined up. I CANNOT WAIT.

I also want to shadow maybe just a regular vet just to see which one I like best.

I really like Mississippi State. We are planning a visit really soon. Its in a small town in the middle of a state where I'm fairly sure is mainly farmland. My type of place.

It also helps that Michael is looking at there as a possibility as well, seeing as both of his parents are alumni. It just seems more homey than USA. I'm excited. And scared. But maybe I can do this.

Yesterday I went with Hannah and Gaby to Bridgestreet to see a movie, Life As We Know It, and to shop. It was so much fun. I feel like I have in a way been neglecting them lately. Its not that I intentionally don't go out or hang out with them. I am just constantly busy. And not really busy with other activities, just HOMEWORK. I don't ditch them for Michael, even though it may seem that way sometimes. All I do is sit at home and do work. He is the only one that can help me with my math, and the very large majority of the time, that is what we do when we are together.

I just miss them. But I think the whole not seeing them thing is about to get better.

Emily is coming next weekend. I'm excited. Although I can't do my original plan to have my birthday party then, I AM still going to have it, it just might not get to be until early November.

I had a wonderful weekend right after Homecoming and my birthday at Fort Walton Beach, FL with Michael and his family. I love his mom so much, she is so cute. His grandmother, aunt, and her two children were also there. One was nine or ten-ish and the other little boy, Phillip, was five.
I have hardly ever had to deal with little kids that don't like me. I love them, and they usually like me too. However, Philip I'm pretty sure hated me. Maybe it was just his 'girls-have-cooties' phase or something, or maybe I was taking away him and Michael time. He completely ADORED Michael. It was so cute. So did Suzanna, his other cousin.
Coversation:
Michael- "Phillip, do you think my girlfriend is pretty?"
Phillip- "...NO! She is ugly and has boogers and is the meanest girl in the WHOLE world!"

Thats how most of the things he said to me the rest of the weekend went.

The first real night there we all went out to dinner at Joes Crab Shack, but the next night Michael took just me out for my Birthday dinner. We went to the Back Porch, its my favorite little place there in Destin. After we were done our waitor came up to us and said,

"Its yalls luckyday! A family that was sitting over there paid for yalls meal! They said they remembered what it was like to be young and in love, and short on money!"

It made my night.

I'm pretty sure later on that same night all of the 'kids' went crab hunting, Suzanna brought a cup full of crabs back up the the condo, and... somehow it got dumped, and they were then all over the floor. Yeah.

I'm sure there is more I'm forgetting, but I guess thats all for now!

Oh, and I'm super excited at the possibility of me and Michael getting to take ballroom dancing classes. :)

Homecoming Week

Lord help the people who have had to be around me this last week.

I have stress up to my eyeballs.

I'm so excited about all of these homecoming events, but the thing that would make me most happy, would be if I could understand Pre-cal. It is killing me. I'm pretty sure I'm not even passing the class right now.

Pretty much everynight I get home and start first thing on the homework, then Michael comes over to help me because he is a super genius and can figure it out when he is not even on the same section as I am.

By the end of the night I usually end up close to or in tears not because he is a bad teacher, but even when he explains it in the most simplest of layman's terms I cannot grasp the concepts. Then he feels bad because I'm sitting there being a baby and crying. He is so patient and always insists on letting him help me even when I know he has other homework he should be doing.

Its not that I particularly hate math. I just hate that I am not even semi-decent at it.

And the fact that my teacher has given us more homework for her one class than I have had in all of my classes this year so far, ALL during the most probable busiest week of my senior year, doesn't help.

I don't want to fall in the assembly. I was hoping for a big strong guy/ football player/ muscley/ tall senior escort, but I just found out that I think my guy is on the shorter side, so if I fall, ... there's no hope.

Our float is ballin.

I AM GOING TO THE BEACH IN LESS THAN 48 HOURS.

Friday, please get here fast.

Oh, P.S.- My 18th Birthday was yesterday.

Excitement

I have alot to look forward to in the upcoming few months.

Tomorrow We find out who all is on homecoming court at our pep rally,...

... However I'm not going to be there because we have to fly out of Nashville for my Uncle's wedding in Nebraska... NEBRASKA. Even if I don't make it on the court, homecoming will still be fun. Its our last one :(

Directly after the homecoming game I leave for Destin with the Hunkapillars which I'm really excited about. I need a break from all the stress that has been weighing me down here and think it will be good to get away for a long weekend. Plus I will get to meet more of his family.

The tuesday before homecoming is my 18th birthday!!

October ninth marks eight months for me and Michael.

We get our ACT scores back hopefully before the end of the month...

Emily is coming down the end of October.

Football games continue.

Hopefully I get my first DYSA reffing check.

Oh, and tomorrow I get my report card with my 90 (NINETY) six weeks average for Mrs. Berrymans class on it ;)

By the way, All these updates are completely useless to anyone that is not me

el futuro

So I took the ACT this morning. I don't how how I did. Math was HARD. I didn't really have very much time to prepare with all my other school work thats consuming my life, but I figure if I can't get any higher than what I have, then thats alright.

This is the last time I will be taking it, and it sort of marks the start of the whole college decision process. I've basically narrowed it down to two Universities... I think. I want to go to Calhoun for at least my freshman year if not two years because I think it will be easier on me and my parents.

I know counselors, parents, college people, always advocate not picking a school based on your friends or your boyfriend or your football team, but its very difficult not too. If I go to a school thats four or five hours away from where my friends are most likely to go to school, how often am I going to get to see them? I go to them for everything.

I've googled all possible routes from the schools I'm considering, to the ones Michael is. All are at least three of four hours apart.

This has become the main direction of my thoughts in last few weeks, I know its pathetic.


I got put on the homecoming ballot. I know its shallow, but I've wanted to be on the senior homecoming court since freshman year. Dream Big.

Pride

I've never been this mad at a football game, or maybe anything in my whole life. Last night was our annual Austin vs. Decatur big rivalry game. The whole week preceeding we have dress up days, car painting, spirit days, drum line competitions, peprallies, just all sorts of stuff that allows people to show their love of their school. Its one of my favorite weeks because everyone is so pumped and ready to cheer on our boys.

Right after school, me and Gab went to get our matching shorts then headed to the field a little before five to help all the guys paint up. That was fun. Then I had to go sing the national anthem with the mixed Austin/Decatur choirs.

Everyone wants to win, I know that. But someone has to lose. Its not so much that we didn't win, its the fact of how immature and disrespectful Decatur was. During the third quarter, Morgan, our starting quarter back got injured. Everyone saw him go down, and we figured that maybe he had just gotten the breath knocked out of him. But he was still on the ground in what looked like agaonizing pain when the ambulance rolled out a stretcher.
Now, when someone gets hurt in a football game:
One, the away team and more importantly, the home team are quiet. However, Decatur was still cheering and blowing horns and a good two third of Austins student section could not shut their mouths. All the seniors and some of the juniors were furious. If nothing else, show respect for our boys out there especially when they are hurt, and if not, why don't you get out there and do better.
Two, BOTH teams take a knee, not just the injured player's side. While they were stilll on the field our players were down as soon as they knew something was wrong. However, Decatur just stood around then eventually walked off the field. Then they just walked and stood around on the sidelines talking. By then me and, I'm sure, many other people were really feeling how much I generally hate the school across town.
And finally, Three. After talking through the whole time that they showed no respect what so ever towards Morgan, Some of their boys had the nerve to come on our side blowing their stupid horn with all simles. I talked to Mary Beth after the game and she said she followed them all across the stands yelling at them. Good.

I don't want to even look at the Daily this morning. Even when Austin does win, it finds someway to put us down, and DHS always ends up on the front page anyways.
I feel so awful for coach Perkins because he is going to take such a beating from the local press, and criticism from alot.

All that said, I have NEVER been more proud to be a Black Bear in all my life. Even when Decatur was playing dirty and throwing hits on the field, Austin held their composure. Maybe we don't have the most talented football team ever, but what we do have is CLASS, class and respect. I guarantee if the injury would have been for the other side, theres no doubt we would have conducted ourselves accordingly.

I was with Michael after the game. He said one of his friends texted him, and all it said was, "I tried." I almost cried. I just wanted to hug every boy out there. We had to go pick up a few of his friends that didn't have rides. As soon as I saw Ryan Watson, I did exactly that, hugged him.

No matter what, I'm proud to call Austin my home.

Unconditional Love

I couldn't come up with a better title to describe this Sunday morning at church. Its so difficult for me to imagine that there was once a time that my family and I were not apart of Epic church. Our whole family is there. My youth leaders are the most amazing people I know, and best of all, nobody trys to be perfect or to hide what has happened in their pasts. At alot of churches we have visited and tried to find our home in everyone is so up tight and staunch and prentenders that they never do anything wrong or unGodly, and look down their noses if you dress a certain was or express yourself.

This morning at Epic the praise music that started off our service was Amazing. Travis sand 'With Everything,' one of my favorites. I got goosebumps when the 'Woahs' came around and you could hear everyone in the room singing together. I.V.'s message was the last in our WASTED series and he spoke on Sin, and how nowadays everyone dumbs down the meaning of it to be called a mistake. And that if you call it that, then you are less likely to own up to your wrong doings and will probably just continue in your ways. Hesaid that there will come a point in everyones lives that you have to realize that you are a sinner, and theres really nothing you can do about it.

Then he had a card board sign that read 'Molested as a child, anger, rage...' He said that maybe he had a right to be mad and angry at the time in his life when that happened, but his outward actions and aggression and hatred towards others after that were all on him. But then he said that one day God spoke to him on his way to work, and thats when he realized he was a sinner. He flipped the sign over and it said something like 'Pastor full of love' and that is what he is today. If his story wasn't enough, he said that then there were people going to come out and share their stories with us too. The band started playing How He Loves (another favorite and tear inducer) Here are what some said. The before and after its flipped:

Given 6 months to live (but)........ 7 years later still standing

Drug addict.......................Committed. Saved. Free

Hated church. Left God........... He never left us

One non believer and one christ follower..... now married and believing

Torn by divorce...... United by God. (This one is my friend Briley from Revolution. Both her diverced parents and their spouses came and stood beside her and hugged her. At this poitn I'm bawling)

8 year old son diagnesed with cancer. No hope.............now happy and Cancer free!

Lost. Scared Foster child.......... adopted by the Thomases 2009 (Also crying)

Stroke 9 months ago....... healed instantly!

I and my son were attacked by armed men............ Safe in His arms

HAD to have a boyfriend, insecure............ God's princess

Full of religion................ then I met God

- Then I.V. and his wife Bene' walked to the center, her holding her sign that said

Hopeless Abortion, scared.............. (I con't rememner exactly what the other side said probably because I was too busy trying to control myself, but it was something wonderful)

Then afterward he kissed her head.

Needlesss to say I was in two full services and half of another one and I cried all three times. Men and women alike all left with tears in their eyes.

God is AMAZING :)