Booga

Contrary to all the wonderful things Forest Gump teaches, my life, at least right now, it is not like a box of chocolates.

Chicos

Boys are weird. All of them. They all might be weird in different ways, but they are still strange and foreign. However there are two guys inparticular that have stayed by me and acted the same through our whole relationship. I like constanticity (the state of things staying constant.(Yes its a made up word)). William Cook and Jacob Johnson. I love them both to death.

William, I guess I really started getting to know in my freshman history class, and I've had him in at least one class every year since. He will still be half way down the hallway, and I be walking the opposite direction, and him holler 'Hey Girl!' and I turn around and roll my eyes at him because I know exactly who he is talking too. He still wipes the sweat from his cold water bottle on my face first thing in the morning when I'm not awake yet. He gives good hugs. He always asks me whats wrong if I seem down. He totally did illegal things to documents concerning our budget project, and basically got me through that whole project, because I probably would not have finished without him. He flips my bangs opposite my part because it annoys me. We can be totally awkward around eachother, and it not really be awkward. Almost every day, he always asks me, 'is thats my brother's shirt?', or 'where did you buy that from, the mens' department?' He's like the big brother I never had, and I love him for it.

Jacob, has lived down the street from me for about six years, and I really haven't met him, met him until probably the end of junior year. We have been in library aid together all of this year, and he's always in chamber choir with me. I have never met someone who is more of a gentleman than him. He always opens the doors for people and is just genuinely nice, which is rare nowadays. Being in Austin Idol together was probably the funnest thing ever. He is just great, and polite to everyone. His only fault is his liking of the combination of peanut butter and maple syrup... it just sounds gross. For having such a low voice, he does the highest pitch sound thing at the end of his laughs, which always makes me laugh... and then he tells me to shut up. We seem to share food alot; his dad made us a cheesecake, I took them candy from Morgan price, He brought my this oreo white chocolate brittle stuff, I made him birthday cookies. I like having a somewhat neighbor. I also appreciate him for not judging me for the things I have opened up to him about. He is wonderful.

However, when Jacob and William are together, they both become real boys and bring out the perverted jokes and all the other stuff boys talk about. They think they are the funniest things ever. But I still love them.

All of this was brought on by Mary Beth, Lynn, and I going to see our production of Big River, which both were in and were amazing. Both of them are also going to be in the WWII production thing that we are putting on at the Princess. I can't wait.

Also, I feel I can write about them here because theres almost no chance that they ever will read it.

What will I do without them in College?

Consumed

My life is consumed by precal. I wish I was one of those people who was just automatically fantastic at math and understood everything the teacher taught, however, I am so far from that person I don't know what to do. Today, I guess, I reached my breaking point in class. I got my test back that I needed so much to get a decent grade on, that I studied so hard and so long for, and I got every single problem on the first page WRONG. I broke down in front of everybody and Mrs. Berryman. What if I don't graduate because of this one stupid class. I used to be one of those people I described earlier that never made below a B on a test, and now, I'm struggling to even pass a class and am trying my hardest to change classes for at least the last six weeks so that I have some hope of not complete failure. I love Mrs. Berryman, I really do. But the stress that her class causes me is overwhelming. I can't sleep well, it consumes my thoughts, and I work for hours on it a night and it still doesn't improve my grades or understanding. Jacob forced me to go talk to Mr. White today, and I'm going again in the morning. I seriously can't handle this on top of everything else. Plus the 4 hour long doctors appointments twice a week aren't helping either. and I'm about to add another one to the schedule. I want to be DONE. I want OUT. I don't care if people think I'm dumb, I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE.

Someday

I am looking forward to the day, hopefully in the near future, when I allow myself to write about all this

I wish

that I could take all of my friends and put them in a Uhal and take them with me wherever I end up. Which will probably be in the middle of sprawling farmland somewhere pretty here in the south.

I hope they like horses. and grass.

Slim Shady

A Creed To Live By

Nancy Slim

Don't underestimate your worth

by comparing yourself with others.

It is because we are different that

each of us is special.

Don't set your goals by what

other people deem important. Only

you know what is best for you.

Don't take for granted the things

closest to your heart. Cling to them

as you would your life, for without

them, life is meaningless.

Don't let your life slip through

your fingers by living in the past or

for the future. By living your life

one day at a time, you will live all

the days of your life.

Don't give up when you still have

something to give. Nothing is really

over until the moment you stop trying.

Don't be afraid to encounter risks.

It is by taking chances that we

learn how to be brave.

Don't shut love out of your life

by saying it's impossible to find. The

quickest way to receive love is to

give love; the fastest way to lose love

is to hold it too tightly; and the

best way to keep love is to give it

wing.

Don't dismiss your dreams; to be

without dreams is to be without

hope; to be without hope is to be

without purpose.

Don't run through life so fast

that you forget not only where

you've been, but also where you're going.

Life is not a race, but a journey

to be savored each and every step of the way.

(The title of this has nothing to do with anything. A random eminem song came on my ipod yesterday and this lady's last name made me think of that song...)

Sunshine

I love it. It makes me feel like twirling.

I also love playing outside.

I'm spending more time with my friends, and I think it is slowly making me a happier person. I feel that they bring out the best in me and I don't have to to be anything but myself around them.

I love Mary Beth and Lynn. They are there for me and love me no matter what. I love doing nothing with them and taking pictures and looking at constellations and determining what eachothers 'spirit' animals are. It feels nice to hang out with girls again.

Mary Beth made Varsity Austin Cheerleading, and I am super proud of her. She's not only going to be an awsome member of the squad, but someone other girls will hopefully look up to as how a real cheerleader should be. I love her.

I'm so glad I'm staying here next year. Its going to be hard enough as it is with everything thats going on in my life without the added stress of finding a new support group.

Prom is less than two months away, and I'm not nearly as pumped as I was last year. I don't know why... I kind of with I had used the money I spent on my dress to attend one of the many music festivals I would die to go to over the summer.