Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Sometimes people are dumb. Sometimes they are mean and hurtful and just terrible. They tell you things and make you promises that they never intended to keep. They hurt your feelings and make you feel worthless and like you were never and never will be good enough and if you could just change that one thing then maybe you would be okay.
A lot of times I don't like people.

And then, I see my friends. And I remember how thankful I should be for what I do have, despite what I don't. I love them. I LOVE them.

Here's what I am thankful for since Thanksgiving will soon be here:

I am thankful for my church. Epic has been the best thing that has happened to me since I entered my teenage years. I got baptized there, I have fantastic lifetime friends, I am in a lifegroup with people that would do anything for me if I needed them to, I get to receive the word of God and just other general life wisdom from one of the best men on the planet, and I get to witness miraculous and amazing things that our church does through out reach projects.

I am thankful for my friends. I could not ever express in words what deep love and gratitude I have for them. I honestly do not know if I would be there if it were not for these wonderful people I have in my life. I am so grateful for all of them, but especially the few that have been there and stuck by me through the hard stuff; Jacob, Becca, Mary Beth, Cole, William, Emily, Hannah, and Gaby. First of all, some of them put up with me from the beginning with my huge hair and braces and general disgustingness, which is more than I can say for a lot of people. They kept me sane through high school when I thought for certain that I was losing it. We have done some of the DUMBEST things together, but above all we still always managed to have fun without any of the drugs or drinking that so many other groups of people at this age 'have' to have to have a good time.
They have been there for me through all the break-ups and relationship problems, then they heard me talk and rant and blubber for countless hours about those things. Bless them.
Sometimes we have our moments when we sort of fight, but then we realize how stupid we are and that we have to have eachother. And that's how I know that they are here always and they are supposed to be.
I know we have only been in school one semester, but these are the ones that I still talk to if not on a daily, then at least a weekly basis and who, when they come home, we still make the effort to see eachother and pick up right where we left off.
They are the ones who get me out of bed and drag me to work with them just so I won't stay in my bed and mope after I had something rough happen.
They are the ones who I can lay in my driveway with until 2 a.m. and talk about farting and take walks with and who I can laugh with until my stomach hurts.
I am eternally grateful and thankful for every single one of them. They will never know how much of a major part they play in my life everyday. I love, and hope they know that I would do ANYTHING for them, just like they have always done for me.

I am thankful for my family who love and live with me despite, well, me.

I am thankful for Mud Tavern Volunteer Fire Department. With them I know what I want to do with my life, and I am proud of it. I have gained at least 10 brothers that are some of the most awesome teachers and the goofiest best guys I know. I love them so much. I would be at the station every moment if life didn't get in the way so much. I love being a part of something that is so much bigger than myself and that I get to help people. They are simply the best.

I am thankful for my dogs.

I am thankful for my boyfriend who I can constantly be silly with and who I am so comfortable around.

I am thankful for singing and music.

I am thankful for books and literature.

There are so many other things, but these are just a few. I love Thanksgiving. I am also extremely excited that all of the upcoming holidays will bring my friends home

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

This is my blog. Sometimes I enjoy talking to it more than people.

Alex Powell may be the best thing that has ever happened to me. (Well, he is tied with the Fire Department) Its so weird. Its SO weird. I don't understand and I don't know how, but I am happier than I think I have ever been. I didn't think that was possible. I still haven't fully believed it yet. And everyday I am afraid that it is going to go away, or he is going to realize how weird and strange and broken I am and not be here.
But he is here. And I'm still moving and breathing, and he is helping me.

He sings. I love it. I'm expecting a song for my Christmas present, even though he won't sing in front of me... (this is a hint if he reads it).
Also, he has pretty Asian-people hair.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Sometimes I get in these moods. Not really moods I guess, more like states. I wouldn't call them 'woe-is-me' states, more like 'I-wish-things-didn't-change-and-I'm-having-a-hard-time-letting-go' states. Then, yesterday actually, I realized I was dumb. And yes, sometimes you wish certain things were different, but that sure doesn't change what they are now. And that that's okay, and that God has a plan, and that you really should NOT undermine Him. He,a matter of fact, DOES know what he's doing, whether you do or not. And maybe, all the time you spend thinking on stuff you miss, you may be missing out on bigger and better opportunities that He has laid out there for you. So, that's where I am at. Appreciating what I do have, an
d what I do not.

I have a fantastic church, a loving family, the best friends I could ever ask for, a boyfriend that cares about me a lot, a good job, and a fabulous bunch of big brothers that want nothing more than to help me get to where I am going.

Life is good. Its about time I suck it up and appreciate it.