Consumed

My life is consumed by precal. I wish I was one of those people who was just automatically fantastic at math and understood everything the teacher taught, however, I am so far from that person I don't know what to do. Today, I guess, I reached my breaking point in class. I got my test back that I needed so much to get a decent grade on, that I studied so hard and so long for, and I got every single problem on the first page WRONG. I broke down in front of everybody and Mrs. Berryman. What if I don't graduate because of this one stupid class. I used to be one of those people I described earlier that never made below a B on a test, and now, I'm struggling to even pass a class and am trying my hardest to change classes for at least the last six weeks so that I have some hope of not complete failure. I love Mrs. Berryman, I really do. But the stress that her class causes me is overwhelming. I can't sleep well, it consumes my thoughts, and I work for hours on it a night and it still doesn't improve my grades or understanding. Jacob forced me to go talk to Mr. White today, and I'm going again in the morning. I seriously can't handle this on top of everything else. Plus the 4 hour long doctors appointments twice a week aren't helping either. and I'm about to add another one to the schedule. I want to be DONE. I want OUT. I don't care if people think I'm dumb, I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE.

Someday

I am looking forward to the day, hopefully in the near future, when I allow myself to write about all this

I wish

that I could take all of my friends and put them in a Uhal and take them with me wherever I end up. Which will probably be in the middle of sprawling farmland somewhere pretty here in the south.

I hope they like horses. and grass.

Slim Shady

A Creed To Live By

Nancy Slim

Don't underestimate your worth

by comparing yourself with others.

It is because we are different that

each of us is special.

Don't set your goals by what

other people deem important. Only

you know what is best for you.

Don't take for granted the things

closest to your heart. Cling to them

as you would your life, for without

them, life is meaningless.

Don't let your life slip through

your fingers by living in the past or

for the future. By living your life

one day at a time, you will live all

the days of your life.

Don't give up when you still have

something to give. Nothing is really

over until the moment you stop trying.

Don't be afraid to encounter risks.

It is by taking chances that we

learn how to be brave.

Don't shut love out of your life

by saying it's impossible to find. The

quickest way to receive love is to

give love; the fastest way to lose love

is to hold it too tightly; and the

best way to keep love is to give it

wing.

Don't dismiss your dreams; to be

without dreams is to be without

hope; to be without hope is to be

without purpose.

Don't run through life so fast

that you forget not only where

you've been, but also where you're going.

Life is not a race, but a journey

to be savored each and every step of the way.

(The title of this has nothing to do with anything. A random eminem song came on my ipod yesterday and this lady's last name made me think of that song...)

Sunshine

I love it. It makes me feel like twirling.

I also love playing outside.

I'm spending more time with my friends, and I think it is slowly making me a happier person. I feel that they bring out the best in me and I don't have to to be anything but myself around them.

I love Mary Beth and Lynn. They are there for me and love me no matter what. I love doing nothing with them and taking pictures and looking at constellations and determining what eachothers 'spirit' animals are. It feels nice to hang out with girls again.

Mary Beth made Varsity Austin Cheerleading, and I am super proud of her. She's not only going to be an awsome member of the squad, but someone other girls will hopefully look up to as how a real cheerleader should be. I love her.

I'm so glad I'm staying here next year. Its going to be hard enough as it is with everything thats going on in my life without the added stress of finding a new support group.

Prom is less than two months away, and I'm not nearly as pumped as I was last year. I don't know why... I kind of with I had used the money I spent on my dress to attend one of the many music festivals I would die to go to over the summer.

If I Die Young

I LOVE THESE PEOPLE MORE THAN ANYTHING

Fe

Fe (espanol) = Faith

This is something I am learning to to have, and to trust my life too.
It's a work in progress, but it seems to be going better this week.

These past few weeks have possibly been the best of my senior year so far. I don't want Austin Idol to end. I don't even really care about winning, but the time that I've gotten to spend with the other six people in our group has been AMAZING. I couldn't ask for a better group of God loving people. I love singing. I'm really not good, but it makes my heart happy, especially to sing with others. I hope we continue to get together even after this is over. Tony, the music director at Lynn's church where we have been practicing, said it would be really cool if we could come back at sing at their Missions Week over the summer!
The finals are tomorrow. I can't wait, but it will kind of be bitter sweet.

These past couple days I have just been super happy. Things are looking up. I love friends.

The seniors all brought home our caps and gowns a couple days ago. Its really happening. We are going to graduate.

I'm reading this really great book right now called One Child.

I'm ready for Spring Break.

I want to go to the lodge, or go camping, or hiking, or SOMETHING.

I AM IN LOVE WITH THIS WEATHER.