Firstly, this is really for me, more than it is for anyone else, incase you want to stop reading.
It seems to be the season of stress. Not just for me, but for everyone, especially alot of people around me. School, research papers, Pre-cal, my life group, doctors appointments, trying to find time to workout, college, scholarships, trying to spend time with everyone I want, relationships with friends, .... all combined seems like ALOT.
Sometimes, well most of the time, I feel like I say the wrong things. When I have people close to me, I tend to open up to them about whats going on inside of me. However, recently, I don't know if that is the right thing to do anymore. Maybe me being open and honest does more harm than good. Maybe I tell people because its too much for me to handle. I know talking to God should be enough. I guess I just love it when people talk to me, but that doesn't necessarily mean it goes both ways.
There are certain people you just need in your life, that you need to see everyday, that you need to make you laugh and smile, and give you a hug. I have alot of those people. Someone tried to ask me once why it mattered that I should be so upset about the detachment and relationship issues I was having between a friend and I, when I had so many other friends that I could turn to. You can't just let people go when they make you angy or distressed. How would anyone ever keep any friends if they did? I just wish I could say I am sorry and for things to go back to the way they were. I don't handle change well. I would never try to intentionally do anything to hurt my friends. They are my life. And right now I feel I need them more than ever.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Parallel.
If I had that little squiggly equals sign on my keyboard I would write this as an equation, but :
Me and Michael are equivalent to Mary Beth and Blake.
Not a hundred percent equal, but pretty dang close. Sometimes I envision us sitting around when we are old doing the same things we did tonight. Deciding we want to get together and cook... meaning getting together... and me cooking (Hehe, which is fine because I love it). But I hope that comes true. I love that me and Mary Beth can talk alot because we usually go through the same things, have alot of similar veiw points, and our boyfriends, if not outwardly, are very much alike as well.
I love them alot, and am glad they are in my life.
Also, this past weekend, We had Our 'D-Now'... that we made up, but it was amazing just the same. I got to spend time with three of the most wonderful girls, Lynn, Shelby, and Mary Beth, and our amazing teacher, Mrs. Dee. It might have been the most fun I have had in a while, because I miss hanging out with girls.We got maybe four hours of sleep Saturday night. It was great :)
Me encanta mi vida.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Year Anniversary
So today Michael and I have been dating a Year. It's really hard for me to grasp that it has only been that long because I feel like I have known him forever.
I love him more than anything in the world.... More than leggings, athletic shorts, chacos,... and thats ALOT.
I kind of figured we weren't going to do much to celebrate till our school and homework lives slowed down a little bit, but:
Scene I : After school
Michael: Are you going to the gym?
Me: Yes, I am leaving my house in a second (Its a little before 4)
Scene II: About an hour later after I'm finishing up my workout
(Texts)
Me: So... I guess you are not coming?
Michael: I had something else to do... are you about to leave?
Me: I have about Twenty more minutes
(I've discovered I kind of have a temper. By this next text I was already mad. I mean its our anniveray!)
Michael: I don't think I am going to come... I'm busy chillin (HATE THAT WORD) with the guys
Me: Alright
End of conversation
My mom texts me just as I'm leaving to ask me when I'm going to be home, and I told her I was on my way.
Its cold, I'm mad, Its snowing, I have a math test tomorrow...
I pull in my driveway and I see a note taped to the front door, and I figure its from my parents. But when I walk up to the porch I see this :
Hehe, I am just the luckiest girl. Then I told him OF COURSE! And he drove around the corner :)
I have been bugging him about all my friends getting asked to prom in super cute, creative, romantic way. And now I have mine :)
The note on the door read :
"Happy Anniversary. You are a blessing and it has been a great 365 days but...
Now that I have kissed (Hehe get it? Kissed?)the ground you walk upon...
Will you please go to prom with me?"
He is so cute.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Shark Heaven, Right beside People Heaven
So, last night was the Super Bowl, if you didn't know by the thousands of tweets and Facebook statuses.
This is what Michael asked me a few days ago.
"Will you be my Super Bowl date? You know, I heard they are kind of a big deal... and meaningful." (I think he added the meaningful part because I told him he needs to be more romantic so now he twists everything into 'being romantic')
I guess inviting your girlfriend to take part in the holiest and most sacred event of all manhood is a big deal.
His dads brother, Roger, and his wife,Nicki , and their two boys Cole and Reid were both coming as well.
Let me just say these are the cutest boys in the WORLD. I might be the only one that has these thoughts, but I love when I meet little kids, and I probably don't even know them very well yet, but I just know they are going to grow up and be smart and beautiful and amazing and will do something great, and be wonderful people because of the way I see their parents are raising them. This is what I felt when I met Cole and Reid for the first time last summer.
Cole is autistic. Maybe I just feel more drawn to hime because Autism therapy is what I really want to pursue. But he is great.
When I got to Michael's house I went in and sat at their breakfast bar thing and was talking to his mom and their aunt. Cole walked in a looked at me for a second, kind of studying me. Then his mom asked him if he remembered me from when we shot fireworks over the summer. He said he remembered and then she told him my name and asked him to repeat it so that he would remember. Then he just walked up like he'd met me a thousand times and started talking away.
Right now I guess he is really into the movie Sharks Tale. His mom said because one of the sharks in it dies,he is kind of fascinated with death for the moment.
He had these two little lego sharks that were like the ones off the movie. One of them's name was Frankie. He told me about Shakrs tale, and how Frankie got run over by a boat and then he talked about Percy Jackson and the Olympians, and then he turned to his mom and said something like,
"Mom, since Frankie died, he went to Heaven right?" and she said yes of course. But then he said "But not people Heaven though, shark heaven, which is right beside people heaven."
I just really liked it. I also really felt priveledged that he would talk to me.
Mrs. Nicki turned to her husband after Cole walked out to go play and said" Roger! Did you see him? He just walked right up and started talking to Elyse! I guess she's a keeper!"
Later we were talking about our pets or something and I asked her what their dog's name was, and she said Thunder. I thought that was an original name, and she told me that Cole named him because he said that he is really scared of thunder, so if he named him Thunder he wouldn't be scared anymore.
I am now more pumped than ever to start studying this and working with amazing people. I can't even describe it. Michael told me that his aunt said when it gets warmer that he can come play basketball with Reid and I can come hang out with her and Cole for a day. I can't wait.
One of my teachers at school suggested some books that I read by this woman who has Autism and how she describes her workings with animals in conjunction with her conditon. I'm ordering the books now.
It was just a good night.
This is what Michael asked me a few days ago.
"Will you be my Super Bowl date? You know, I heard they are kind of a big deal... and meaningful." (I think he added the meaningful part because I told him he needs to be more romantic so now he twists everything into 'being romantic')
I guess inviting your girlfriend to take part in the holiest and most sacred event of all manhood is a big deal.
His dads brother, Roger, and his wife,Nicki , and their two boys Cole and Reid were both coming as well.
Let me just say these are the cutest boys in the WORLD. I might be the only one that has these thoughts, but I love when I meet little kids, and I probably don't even know them very well yet, but I just know they are going to grow up and be smart and beautiful and amazing and will do something great, and be wonderful people because of the way I see their parents are raising them. This is what I felt when I met Cole and Reid for the first time last summer.
Cole is autistic. Maybe I just feel more drawn to hime because Autism therapy is what I really want to pursue. But he is great.
When I got to Michael's house I went in and sat at their breakfast bar thing and was talking to his mom and their aunt. Cole walked in a looked at me for a second, kind of studying me. Then his mom asked him if he remembered me from when we shot fireworks over the summer. He said he remembered and then she told him my name and asked him to repeat it so that he would remember. Then he just walked up like he'd met me a thousand times and started talking away.
Right now I guess he is really into the movie Sharks Tale. His mom said because one of the sharks in it dies,he is kind of fascinated with death for the moment.
He had these two little lego sharks that were like the ones off the movie. One of them's name was Frankie. He told me about Shakrs tale, and how Frankie got run over by a boat and then he talked about Percy Jackson and the Olympians, and then he turned to his mom and said something like,
"Mom, since Frankie died, he went to Heaven right?" and she said yes of course. But then he said "But not people Heaven though, shark heaven, which is right beside people heaven."
I just really liked it. I also really felt priveledged that he would talk to me.
Mrs. Nicki turned to her husband after Cole walked out to go play and said" Roger! Did you see him? He just walked right up and started talking to Elyse! I guess she's a keeper!"
Later we were talking about our pets or something and I asked her what their dog's name was, and she said Thunder. I thought that was an original name, and she told me that Cole named him because he said that he is really scared of thunder, so if he named him Thunder he wouldn't be scared anymore.
I am now more pumped than ever to start studying this and working with amazing people. I can't even describe it. Michael told me that his aunt said when it gets warmer that he can come play basketball with Reid and I can come hang out with her and Cole for a day. I can't wait.
One of my teachers at school suggested some books that I read by this woman who has Autism and how she describes her workings with animals in conjunction with her conditon. I'm ordering the books now.
It was just a good night.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
The Knots Prayer
Dear God,
Please untie the knots
that are in my mind,
my heart and my life.
Remove the have nots,
the can nots and the do nots
that I have in my mind.
Erase the will nots,
may nots,
might nots that may find
a home in my heart.
Release me from the could nots,
would nots and
should nots that obstruct my life.
And most of all,
Dear God,
I ask that you remove from my mind,
my heart and my life all of the 'am nots'
that I have allowed to hold me back,
especially the thought
that I am not good enough.
Amen
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