hermanos

Have I mentioned how much I love my new big brothers? Because I do. A whole dang LOT.

They are more than I could ever ask for as amazing friends, teachers, and family.

Even when I feel like I am terrible at everything, I have no doubt that this was one of the greatest decisions I have ever made. They build me, and everyone one else at the station, up whenever we are down. They are the most encouraging, non-judgmental, uplifting group of people I know.

Off autopilot

Autopilot is a decent description of how I have been spending my last few months. I answer people with appropriate responses, ask appropriate questions, and try to keep an appropriate flow of conversation going.

Do you ever just not want to deal with people? Especially with people that I don't know, but who are just trying to be friendly, I find myself wanting to say "Go away" right to their face and walk away, simply because its easier than making the effort to get to know them.

You think you know people. You can let them in and allow them to know almost every part of you, and still you don't know that they are doing the same for you in return. You don't know what they are thinking, or what they want, or what they don't like, or what they wish they had. You don't know until one day, they either blow up on you, or they are just simply gone.

Its hard to get to know people when you are aware that the next day they might take that little piece of your soul that you gave them, whether it was a hug or a deep conversation or a friendship, and not be there.

This is where I was a few months ago and am still struggling with it. I have my old friends that I can tell the world too, and even if they are not physically here, I know they are not going to run away. I know that they would drive a couple hours if I truly needed them, and in vise versa.

But, right now, I am happy. I am getting to know one new person at a time. And I think the person I am getting to know right now is a pretty good start.

There are not enough hours in the day to get everything done that I want to do.

I want to be at the station ALL the time.

I want to go to the gym everyday.

I want to hang out with all of my friends, especially when they are home from school.

I want to be able to study my Fire Fighters huge handbook.

I want to get all of my homework done.

I want to read.

I want to practice my guitar.

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Last night was SO fun. I love my friends. I love my friends + Catchphrase even more.

"Jesus made this on the cross..... it's a type of Pizza!!"..... "How else were you supposed to explain 'supreme sacrifice?'"

Also the other night, Jacob, Andrew, Jordan, and I went to Mcdonalds, and the cashier asked the boys if they were high. Priceless. Why am I friends with them.

I'm, not saying, ... I'm just saying.

A certain couple fire fighters gave me a hard time about my blog.

Guess who both have a blog now?

I love you guys :)

Different

I am starting to feel different. Like, okay again, and I like it.

P.S. These are my cute friends

The First

Today I got to go on my FIRST REAL CALL.

Me and Anna were out in the bay doing something and i heard the tones go off. At first I thought it was a joke because they had been setting them off to see which new people would jump up and run. But when I looked inside everyone was grabbing their gear and heading for the truck.

I was so fired up , that I didn't even put my socks on (bad idea). It turned out to be a grass fire that had started when a guy's tractor caught some of the hay on fire which caught to some of the bales and other hay that had been cut. When we rolled up to the field, I can't even describe my excitement. It was like working out, olives, peanut butter, chacos, Shakespeare, and everything else that makes me happy, all rolled into one.

At first, we used these tools called flappers to get the small flames and smoldering grass, then the chief asked me if I wanted to be on the hose. You never have to ask me twice! I have gotten a little better than the first time I got to use it in standing so that the power of the water doesn't throw me backwards.

I loved everything about it; the fast pace and that initial little jump in your stomach when you hear the tones, running to the truck, the sirens, the anticipation right before you arrive on scene, just EVERYTHING! I've never felt another feeling like that in the world. I know that it will be even more gratifying when putting out a fire or getting someone out of a vehicle will directly save someone's life. I can not wait for that.

Also, I think I am going to get to go to Alabama Fire College at the beginning of October. Best Birthday present EVER!

Spaghetti

Tonight was rough.

First we had a little class time and talked about the different 'sections' of a house or building and how you classify and label them when describing location, and about RIT. Rapid Intervention Teams. Which are the firefighters who save other firefighters.. Then we did "Spaghetti drills." I was nervous enough because Matt kept saying it was a surprise and nobody could go out in the bay or out back to look at what he had made for us. Spaghetti drills are where your hose is stretched and twisted and knotted through all sorts of different obstacles and you have to try and find your way out. There is a certain pattern on the coupling of the hose that will lead you in the direction to get you back to the truck or pump. " Smooth bump, bump, to the pump." Its really cool actually. But, you have to do all of that in the dark, blindfolded, in full gear including an oxygen tank and disconnected mask. I was fine with the first three, but I didn't know I would have such a problem with just having the mask on with no air.

I made it under the truck... and that was it. I was mad, more than anything, that I couldn't go farther, because I couldn't breathe. I think if I would have calmed down a little I could have. Breathing in stagnant air just freaks me out for some reason. It just makes me want to go back and crawl under that truck a thousand times, which I might do. I need to practice being Darth Vader and walk around in the face mask with out oxygen, I suppose, as well.

I have told my friends that I have always wanted a big brother. Which of course is impossible, but I truly always have. I got so many encouraging text messages and comments from the guys after that training session. Even though they barely know me, and I them, I am so thankful to have that support system. They are awsome. Instead of having one big brother, I feel like I've gained about 10.

I had to say Goodbye to Cole last night. I know in my heart that its really only 'see you later,' but its not the same as 'I'm driving to your house, I'll see you in a minute.' Four hours really isn't that long, and there's Skype and text and calling, but I'm just not good at saying bye.

We have been through so much this year, good and bad. But, in the end, I don't know if I would have made it without him. I love him.

My car is going to have so many miles on it from going to visit everyone

Fuego

OH. MY. GOSH.

I never thought I would say this, but I am going to be one of those people that are married to their careers.

I couldn't write about it then, but on Saturday I had my first fire training at the fire station. When I first got there I got fitted for Turn-Out gear. I don't care if I look like a man, I love it. And then Jake, the Lieutenant, fitted me and the other new girl, with oxygen masks and showed us how to work our SCBA's (Self Contained Breathing Apparatus)

In the field behind the department, someone had donated us an old Ford F150 for training. The first thing we practiced was Extrication, or using all the big power tools that you might need to get someone out of a smashed or flipped vehicle. If anyone has ever thought that all firefighters do is man handle big things to get people out and spray water on fire, they need to come to a training exercise. There is SO SO much thinking and quick planning to everything. Not only do they have to be quick about their decisions, but they have to be right 100% of the time because one or more peoples' lives almost always depends on it. There is structure and a right way to do EVERYTHING. I got to fully suit up and help take off doors and pop glass and try just about everything. Then, the guys set the truck on fire. With one of the other's help I got to go in with a hose and help put it out. I loved it. I have never felt that type of pure excitement and adrenaline rush ever. And this was just a small fire. Even though you are wearing all those close, I didn't even realize I was hot until I took them off. I have never sweat so much in my life, but it was AMAZING. I was on such a high after I left. My mom probably just wished I would shut up when I got home.

I have been spending quite a bit of time at the station. They haven't gotten a call to go out since I have been there, but I can't wait to go watch and maybe help when they do! I was talking to one of the guys the other night about firefighting in general and he said something like, "If I can help others to have more happy experiences in their life, even at my expense, then that is all I want to do."

They are amazing AMAZING people. I just wish I could know everything that they know NOW.

Jacob- "Mmmm... I love peanut buter"

Me- "You need to try my Sunbutter stuff. Its really good"

Jacob- "I don't eat pregnant food."

Me"... what?"

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Scenario: Jacob standing inches away from the mirror holding the flashlight on my phone with his head tilted back looking up his nose

Me- "You are seriously the grossest person I know"

Jacob- "I wonder if you can see my brain? ... Ahh! Whats that shiny thing back there!?"

Me- "That would be mucus"

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This is why I am glad he is staying with me at Calhoun, and down the street. So that we can talk about boogers, and farts, and burps, and poop, and occasionally guitar, on a daily basis.

My friends are leaving. All I want to do is spend every moment with them that I can, but their lives are perpetually more interesting than mine, and are always gone, busy, or working.

Tonight, I went to my second firefighters meeting and got sworn in (sworn in, doesn't that sound so important? hehe) to my 60 day probationary period before I become an official Volunteer at the Firestation! Ahhh... I can't wait. So that means, I can go hang out at the station whenever I want, train, go out on calls and observe and help when I am able. I can not contain myself.

Also, I just got back from my first solo real road trip to Atlanta to see Emily! I got lost... A LOT