Friday, December 31, 2010

I hate giving these titles because I never know what to put...

So we got a letter a few days ago about scholarship offers from Mississippi State. Because of my ACT score, and my incapability to make a decent one, they aren't going to offer me as much as we'd hoped or really needed them to. I know my dad, and if I begged and pleaded I know he would do his best to get me there for my freshman year, even if it meant him going broke.

Ever since our visit to MSU earlier this month, I've been thinking. I LOVED the school. I love everything about it. But maybe I'm just not really ready to go off yet. As much as I complain about my family, I do love them.

I don't like change. And, I actually LIKE Decatur. But most of all I don't want to be the sole reason why my Dad has to work past his retirement, even though I know he will anyways.

So, the verdict is, I'll be going to Calhoun in the fall. And for the first time, when I think about college, I'm actually kind of excited. And I know thats weird.

I can live at home, and still work to save up for when I go off next year or the year after.
Calhoun has a pre-vet program, which is pretty much just the basics that you will get anywhere. And after maybe I'll have saved enough to make it t Auburn to finish up, and graduate school, assuming my plans and majors haven't changed by then.

What I'm most nervous about is telling people. I know I shouldn't be embarassed, and I'm not, I just feel, and know, that people are going to look down on me for my decision. And I'm not looking forward to being in a room full of my senior friends and people asking us where we are going... "Auburn, Samford, Alabama, UAB, .... Calhoun. "
Alot times, especially with the people I am friends with, they just don't understand the concept that not everyone can pay for four or more years of steadily rising tuition fees and books and room and food. And I also know that people will be thinking in their heads that I'm taking the 'easy way out.'

I'm excited and scared. UGH.

I GOT JUST DANCE 2 for the wii. Might have been my smartest purchase ever. Especially seeing a room full of guys play...hehe.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Snow ponies

Today Dad was talking about what he should do after his retirement. Mom said open a Twistie Treat (Ice cream place). I said start rescue for abused and neglected horses. Mom said open a skate park with a Twistie Treat. I said open a horse rescue that doubles as rehabilitation horse ranch/summer camp for autistic children...

If people around me didn't know, I absolutely cannot WAIT to have my own horses. Even if, for some reason, I don't make it in the line of veterinary work that I want, or any at all. My back-up options that I've always wanted to pursue are:
* Be a firewoman
*Work with autistic children
*Go into the army
*Open up a flower nursery ( My thumb is practically brown, so that is out I guess...)
*become a ferrier

So... maybe I can someday I can do at least one of those... I just wonder sometimes if I'm truely intelligent enough to one, get into vet school, and two, make it through and graduate from it.

All of this was prompted by some fat ponies frolicking in the snow.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

I grew up learning not to judge someone by what gender, race, religion, or preferences they might have. I was taught at a very young age the importance of the Golden Rule. Sometimes it's hard for me to believe that not everyone had the same up bringing as me. I hate it, but I know that somewhere out there, there are still parents that tell their children 'We don't associate with those people...'. Everytime I hear a race joke, it makes me SO mad. I've seen people tell them, then, just at the other end of the lunch table, or across the room, some kid's or an adult's head will sink a little lower, because just maybe it pertained to them.

All people care about these days is being loud and obnoxious and being heard and being liked, or thought comical. Last time I checked, putting someone down because of where they come from is not okay. What if someone went up to white people everyday and reminded them of how they used to beat the life out of slaves and foreigners, and how some of their grandparents might have been members of the Ku Klux Klan who saught out people that were not part of the 'White Supremacy?' That they killed thousands of women and men that might have been fathers and mothers and whose children were then orphans whom probably grew up to meet the same fate? I don't hear stuff like that in the hallways everyday at school.

I'm part Japanese and part Cherokee. And sure, I get the Mulan and Jackie Chan jokes at school, but some of the things other people get said about them? Its awful.

I couldn't be someone ethnic in the media light right now. I would probably be in jail for punching someone.
Our President, Obama, is black, and his ancestors originated in the East. This does not mean he is dumb, incompetent, unintelligent, or unable to make decisions regarding our country. I would like to see all the people that draw charicatures of him as a monkey, or worse, sitting in that White House, making the calls he makes everyday. You don't have to agree with him, or even like him, but he does deserve respect.

Everyone makes snap judgements, whether they realize it at the time or not. I am not excluded from this. However, it makes me sick to my stomach at what some of the mean hurtful things I hear people say in the hallways at school just because of how someone is dressed, or their weight, or who they are friends with.

Growing up in the family I did, and the very first church we went to when we moved to Alabama, we met all types of people from all different back grounds. My church I go to now is very similar to that one. We have many extremely close family friends that used to be addicts to drugs or alcohol, and what not. We also have people, people whom I consider close enough to be family, who are gay. I'm not going to say whether I believe it is right or not, but I know that some of those people are some of the best I have ever known, and I wish I could introduce them to everyone.

My parents are some of the most open people I know. My mom told me once when she was in high school, that it was in the midst of 'not being cool to be associated with black people' time. She had a best friend whom she went everywhere with who was black. She said she would get strange looks from people, and they would ask her why she hung around her. But she never abandoned her friendship, or her belief that discrimination is wrong. I tihnk she even said she lost a few other "friends" because of that.

Discrimination is WRONG, and I can't handle it anymore. I'm not afraid to call someone out about it. I have in the past, and have become more distant from some of the people I used to call friends because of it. This issue bothers me more than almost any other.

'Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers over all wrongs.' -Proverbs 10:12

Monday, December 13, 2010

Current loves

This is just something I feel is necessary right now. ( I should be studying for my exams, but I just can't make myself do it)

My Recent Concentrations of Adoration:

1. Almond Milk
2.Carnation Instant Breakfasts.. with almond milk
3. Beowulf
4.Pomegranates and all things flavored like them
7. Athleta
8. Modcloth
10.Simple Shoes
(the previous websites [6-11] are pretty much my miserable life)
12. Leggings
13.Leggings and shorts... in the 20 degree weather.
14.My new rainboots ( which I will recieve for Christmas)
15. Cooking for people
16. My job
17. 'Under the Tuscan Sun'
18. Saunas
19. Southern Reflections
20.Mississippi State
21.My Spanish Class
22. Hobby Lobby
24. Sunflowers
25. My boyfriend's cute nose :)

Saturday, December 11, 2010

My Love- William Shakespeare

"Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight! For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night." -Romeo and Juliet

I want to marry William Shakespeare. He is the best writer of all time. Even though many of his stories are tradgedies, his words are beautiful and flowing, and just make me incredibly happy. Boys of today could learn something from him.
Although Romeo and Juliet can be argued whether it is, in fact, the greatest love story ever told, I do believe it is. What woman or man would want more than for their beloved to sacrifice themselves for the other? Romeo knew he would want know one else if Juliet were not alive, and he could not live without her. (Maybe he could have waited around a few more minutes, but...) And Juliet, upon her waking felt the same. It was an intensly wonderful gorgeous love, one worth dying for. Every girl wants that one boy to come throw rocks at her window and climb up a tree just to see her face.
I'm usually not one to be in favor of well known, over read literary works, but Romeo and Juliet is probably my favorite from Shakespeare. A Midsummer Night's Dream is a very close second.

"One fairer than my love? The all-seeing sun Ne'er saw her match since first the world begun."

Saturday, December 4, 2010

I have too many to count, but one of my major flaws is holding things in. I've never been that girl to break down in sappy movies, or go off on someone when their mad, or even cry during tragedies. My dad always used to have these pep talks with me that ended in, "You are alot like me. Its very hard for you to show anything. At the time you may feel that is a good thing, but ten years from now, you may look back and wish you had done things diferently. I just don't want you to make the same mistakes I have made in being hard and calloused and not letting people in, or letting people see you." Of course he has also told me in recent days that I need to 'loosen up.' What he means by that I'm not really sure.
I guess I have always felt that crying makes me weak. I don't look down on other people who do, I just feel that it holds true for me. In the past, I suppose I thought that If you show emotion toward something , than it makes it more real than if you don't. Maybe thats why I used to get over things so quickly.
At least, all of that has held true up until recent years. I guess when you do let people in, you need to do so in knowing, that at some point, they are proably going to hurt you, whether they realize it or not. It is the ones closest to you that often break you down. I hate feeling that hurt, and being emotional, maybe this is why actually getting close is hard for me.
However, this year, I have made so many great friends, that until now, I hadn't realized that I was so close too. I'm afraid for graduation, and the inevitable disconnection that will come, and I'm afraid of never seeing them again. I just hope I can deal with it.

I'm sorry for all my ridiculously sad posts, I just need to vent!