I have too many to count, but one of my major flaws is holding things in. I've never been that girl to break down in sappy movies, or go off on someone when their mad, or even cry during tragedies. My dad always used to have these pep talks with me that ended in, "You are alot like me. Its very hard for you to show anything. At the time you may feel that is a good thing, but ten years from now, you may look back and wish you had done things diferently. I just don't want you to make the same mistakes I have made in being hard and calloused and not letting people in, or letting people see you." Of course he has also told me in recent days that I need to 'loosen up.' What he means by that I'm not really sure.
I guess I have always felt that crying makes me weak. I don't look down on other people who do, I just feel that it holds true for me. In the past, I suppose I thought that If you show emotion toward something , than it makes it more real than if you don't. Maybe thats why I used to get over things so quickly.
At least, all of that has held true up until recent years. I guess when you do let people in, you need to do so in knowing, that at some point, they are proably going to hurt you, whether they realize it or not. It is the ones closest to you that often break you down. I hate feeling that hurt, and being emotional, maybe this is why actually getting close is hard for me.
However, this year, I have made so many great friends, that until now, I hadn't realized that I was so close too. I'm afraid for graduation, and the inevitable disconnection that will come, and I'm afraid of never seeing them again. I just hope I can deal with it.


I'm sorry for all my ridiculously sad posts, I just need to vent!