Tuesday, February 28, 2012

i've got it up the tree again
"I believe I can be honest in all other matters, but I already begin to realize that the core and center of my nature is the love of the beautiful, a passion for the beautiful, and that it would not be safe to trust me with a moon that belonged to another person and that person didn't know I had it."

-mark twain

happy things

good parking spots
Adam and Eve's Diaries by Mark Twain
my boys
my friends
old friends
new friends
when people tell me I look pretty when I look like a frizz ball
running shorts
oversized t-shirts
new music
taking pictures of people
college service
the sun

sometimes you have to write out all of the things that make you happy to remind you that your life is good, and that when you take time to think about it, the good actually does out-weigh the bad. we just always put more emphasis on the bad.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012


I needed tonight more than I think I ever needed something in my entire life. I am so grateful for the college ministry that I have come to consider myself a part of.

At the college service, Brandon spoke on purity. He also spoke on this same subject last week, but in a different sense. Yes, tonight was about abstaining from sex before marriage and how, even if you have made mistakes in the past how God can make all things new, including you. And that is awesome. But before he spoke, they played an amazing video. It started off with a girl and a guy sitting in chairs facing each other. You could tell they were more than friends by the way they looked at one another and touched each others arms and faces. Then the boy took a big piece of duct tape and put it over the girls mouth and wrote LOVE on it. A minute later he shook off the girl's unwanted caresses and ripped the tape off of her mouth. Then, different guys started to sit in the chair across from the same girl. Every time a new boy would come, she would hand them the original piece of tape and they would put it over her mouth and then eventually rip it off until it would not stick anymore.
The piece of tape represented purity and how once you continually give yourself away, not only sexually, but emotionally, you start to wear down and become less "sticky." I loved this video, and I think all girls and guys our age should watch it.

Tonight changed the way I have been thinking about things in my life that have recently taken place. I have been in a bad place this last week. If I was truly honest with myself, I have been in a bad place for a long time. It was said tonight how so often now a days we date before we know somebody. When you say it out loud it sounds kind of crazy, but that's what we do, we decide to enter into relationships with people before we KNOW them. One of the things that hit me tonight was when he said, "What if we took a year to get to know someone. Be their friend, know their hearts and their intentions, find out where they stand with God and where they are going. What if we did that before we even thought about going any further than friendship?" Sometimes God puts people in our lives to help us learn things, not to necessarily be with them forever or in that intimate type of relationship.

I love to help people. I am going to school to get my degree in helping people. I don't want to do anything else. But, I think that has been to my disadvantage when it has come to my past relationships. The major thing I finally realized tonight was, you don't have to date someone to love them. You don't have to date someone to help them or pray for them or want whats best for them. You don't have to date someone to help them with their personal God walks. You don't have to date someone to be their for them.
That is where my view has been wrong.

right now,
I am going to try dating God for a bit.
Let myself work off of His time instead of trying to make my time His time.
I want to fall in love with God.

Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? 2Corinthians 6:14

I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases. Song of Solomon 3:5

I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. 1Corinthians 7:32

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

In almost every romantic movie there are those scenes where, for some reason, a couple has separated due to personal problems. Then with 20 minutes left in the film the girl shows up on a boys door step in the rain and tells him she knows they both have things they need to work on and change about themselves, but she cannot imagine herself with anyone else and she knows they can work on all those things together and if they truly care that much about eachother then nothing else matters.. And then he looks her in the eyes and smiles and pulls her in to a long hug and kiss and everything is all hunky-dory.

That is not real life. I guess its time I learned that one.


If you must fly,
Then take me with you, sparrow.
Take me to the clouds
Where it smells like rain.
Take me to sing sweet songs in the tall trees.
Take me to bask on daffodils.
I will bring you daisies to wear in your feathers.
Let me be by your side,
I promise I won’t follow too close.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

I "moked" her!

These children were lovely and beautiful and EASY

Friday, February 17, 2012

"There are too many stars in some places and not enough in others, but that can be remedied presently, no doubt. The moon got loose last night, and slid down and fell out of the scheme— a very great loss; it breaks my heart to think of it. There isn’t another thing among the ornaments and decorations that is comparable to it for beauty and finish. It should have been fastened better. If we can only get it back again—"

Eve’s Diary by Mark Twain

I am about to go buy both Adam and Eve’s Diary so I can quit reading just the wonderful excerpts I’ve been finding.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

I feel like I've been hit by a truck and left on the side of the road

Monday, February 13, 2012

Sometimes you just have to grow up. Stop being the cool kid and suck it up. Life will leave you behind whether you like it or not, but most of the time, before you have time to change things, it is too late, and you are already in the past.

"Suck it up" has been my motto for most of my years. I guess I picked it up from my dad without even realizing it. I suppose that is what you get for being the daughter of an Asian father who was raised by a first generation immigrant single mom and was also the youngest of five. But, sometimes I wish I could just let it all out and quit sucking it all up, but if I did, I would be afraid I couldn't put the plug back in.

On a much happier note, I do not know what I would do without Mary Beth. Even though we go through periods where we don't see each other for long periods of time, she is still always there for me.

Also, I miss my Becca.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Hold me closer one more time,
Say that you love me in your last goodbye,
Please forgive me for my sins,
Yes, I swam dirty waters,
But you pushed me in,
I've seen your face under every sky,
Over every border and on every line,
You know my heart more than I do,
We were the greatest, me and you,

But we had time against us,
And miles between us,
The heavens cried,
I know I left you speechless,
But now the sky has cleared and it's blue,
And I see my future in you,

I'll be waiting for you when you're ready to love me again,
I put my hands up,
I'll do everything different,
I'll be better to you,
I'll be waiting for you when you're ready to love me again,
I put my hands up,
I'll be somebody different,
I'll be better to you,

Sunday, February 5, 2012

do i have a boyfriend?

I had a guinea golden;

I had a guinea golden;
I lost it in the sand,
And though the sum was simple,
And pounds were in the land,
Still had it such a value
Unto my frugal eye,
That when I could not find it
I sat me down to sigh.

I had a crimson robin
Who sang full many a day,
But when the woods were painted
He too, did fly away.
Time brought me other robins,-
Their ballads were the same,-
Still for my missing troubadour
I kept the "house at hame."

I had a star in heaven;
One Pleiad was its name,
And when I was not heeding
It wandered from the same.
And though the skies are crowded,
And all the night ashine,
I do not care about it,
Since none of them are mine.

My story has a moral:
I have a missing friend,-
Pleiad its name, and robin,
And guinea in the sand,-
And when this mournful ditty,
Accompanied with tear,
Shall meet the eye of traitor
In country far from here,
Grant that repentance solemn
May seize upon his mind,
And he no consolation
Beneath the sun may find.

emily dickinson