Thursday, February 17, 2011

Distraught

Firstly, this is really for me, more than it is for anyone else, incase you want to stop reading.

It seems to be the season of stress. Not just for me, but for everyone, especially alot of people around me. School, research papers, Pre-cal, my life group, doctors appointments, trying to find time to workout, college, scholarships, trying to spend time with everyone I want, relationships with friends, .... all combined seems like ALOT.

Sometimes, well most of the time, I feel like I say the wrong things. When I have people close to me, I tend to open up to them about whats going on inside of me. However, recently, I don't know if that is the right thing to do anymore. Maybe me being open and honest does more harm than good. Maybe I tell people because its too much for me to handle. I know talking to God should be enough. I guess I just love it when people talk to me, but that doesn't necessarily mean it goes both ways.

There are certain people you just need in your life, that you need to see everyday, that you need to make you laugh and smile, and give you a hug. I have alot of those people. Someone tried to ask me once why it mattered that I should be so upset about the detachment and relationship issues I was having between a friend and I, when I had so many other friends that I could turn to. You can't just let people go when they make you angy or distressed. How would anyone ever keep any friends if they did? I just wish I could say I am sorry and for things to go back to the way they were. I don't handle change well. I would never try to intentionally do anything to hurt my friends. They are my life. And right now I feel I need them more than ever.

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