Let go

I've always generally concidered myself a rather put together person. Not a perfect person, by far, but one who at least had, what seemed to be, control, of my life. But now it seems I can't really control anything. I know that I shouldn't try to be 'controling' things and that I should just let go and let God, but sometimes thats a hard thing for me to grasp. The stress and uncertainty of my future is really getting to me and I think its impeeding my decisions about simple daily tasks. Plus, my extreme case of Senioritis isn't helping at all. Someitmes people ask me why I go to the gym all the time. One, my extreme fear of being fat, but mostly because its the only sense of normalcy and is a time where I don't have to think about anything but my body.
I seem to be angry alot lately. Not really at a particular person, but just me and my inability to do the right thing, make the right decision, always be there for my friends, or talk to people.
I'm one of those people who will hold things in and put up an I'm-happy-and-nothing-is-wrong front, which generally seems to work. But sometimes it seems to be cracking. I feel like its making me bitter and calloused. I sincerely wish I had someone to talk to about this. I KNOW that if I went to Hannah or Gaby they would listen and hug me and try their best to understand and all the stuff that girls do when they have a problem, but I just don't know if they would really understand. The only people that I could talk to, it seems that I have hurt, and I don't know how to fix it. And its killing me.

I just want to go back to the end of junior year. I think its really the last time I had a grip on my life.